Cancer.

Let’s talk about cancer. I don’t know much about it, honestly. But I do know this: IT FUCKING SUCKS. Sorry for the language, there are just no other words to explain it.

A few months back, I got a call from my mom informing me that my Aunt Jo was diagnosed with breast cancer. Talk about a punch to the gut. I was stunned…like a boxer taking the final blow. I wondered why this would happen to her. Selfishly, I wondered why her of all people…she is one of the neatest people I know. I know, it’s a selfish thing to think. After the initial shock, I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I realized this was happening for a reason. My Aunt is a very positive person. She loves life. She loves the Earth. She loves her partner. She loves her dogs, her family, and her boys (the grandsons). She loves love. And everyone that meets her, instantly likes her. She’s beautiful, strong, and supportive. This is being given to her because she can beat it. Not only that, but she can beat it and encourage others to fight the fight to beat their own cancer. In a very weird way, it’s like a gift. Aunt Jo will beat this and hopefully become an inspiration, hope, and activist for others. Cancer still sucks, but maybe we can make something good out of this. And then….

My mom calls me Wednesday and tells me that my Aunt Squeek was diagnosed with cancer. I was simply speechless. I just kept saying, “That’s crazy.” She continues to tell me that it’s in four different places in her body. My heart sinks and I am numb. I just keep wondering why this is happening. My family is healthy! There is no history of any disease in my family. And now two aunts, within a few months of each other, are diagnosed with cancer? You have got to be kidding me. My mom tells me that they have more appointments this week and will know more towards the end of the week. My mom called me Friday morning with more news. I think I’m going to stop answering the phone when my mom calls. The cancer that Aunt Squeek has is Stage 4, inoperable, and a different type in all four places. W.T.F??? Why is this happening? Her and Uncle Greg moved to Florida to enjoy their retirement together. She has three grandchildren that she adores. She is always happy to see you and greets everyone with a smile. She is strong, outspoken, and so much fun. I don’t know anything beyond the diagnosis that I just told you. I don’t know if any of this can be treated and I don’t know if she will choose that route. In all reality, I don’t know if she will be at Christmas this year.

What I do know it this: they both have a partner in crime to help each other through this now. Although they don’t have the same cancer or prognosis, they still understand each other. God works in mysterious ways, you know? Sometimes He knocks you all the way down and then teaches you how to get back up and it makes you stand a little taller. It’s not until later that you realize why He did that. But you some day find out and it all comes full circle.

I am amazed, encouraged, and inspired by the strength and courage of these two wonderful women. They will never know how the past few months put a lot of things in my life into perspective for me. I hate what they are dealing with and couldn’t imagine it happening to me. Keep up the fight, ladies. You will beat this.

Oh, and cancer still fucking sucks.

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So, What do you do?

So, what do you do for a living? A question so often asked yet rarely ever discussed. It’s not an easy answer for me…after this post, you will know why.

First, I am an Army Wife. Those of you that don’t think being an Army Wife is a job can stop reading now because you obviously have no respect for what military spouses go through on a daily basis. For those of you still reading, thank you. 🙂 My husband is deployed. It’s been five and a half months since I have seen him in person. It will be something stupid like 10 months (apart) before I see him again. In the meantime, I keep the four furbabies healthy, take care of myself, pay the bills, and maintain the house. Try and call that a non-job…I dare you.

Second, I work part-time for my dad at his insurance agency. Truth be told, the work I do is miniscule compared to what I used to do there. I think he just likes to see my smiling face every couple days…and it gives me an excuse to order office supplies. Which I am obsessed with…but that’s another post all in itself.

Third, I am a distributor for Xyngular, the product that has changed my life. I have lost over 40lbs, went from a size 26 to an 18, and take no prescription meds anymore…which is huge. The best thing about it all (other than getting myself healthy) is helping others get healthy again. Changing lives; that’s what it’s all about.

Lastly, but MOST definitely not least, as my full-time job, I am a police dispatcher. This is my passion, my world, my life. Sometimes I even think it is the reason I was put on this Earth. I am the calm voice you hear when you call 911 and then the next day you tell your friends how rude or bitchy your 911 operator was. Yeah, that was me. What you don’t know is that I worked a 12 hour day the night before, got three hours of sleep, and am on hour seven of my ten-hour day today. I’m exhausted. Yes, I am well aware that it’s 3AM; there is no need to tell me that. What you also don’t realize is that I have to get certain information from you to keep everyone involved safe. No, I don’t care what happened a week ago. Tell the officers that when they get there. I want to know if anyone has a gun. You should also know that the reason I sound rude or bitchy is because I am trying to calm you down. Do you think anything good would come out of me losing my mind, being emotional, and screaming in your time of need? All too often we are understaffed and overloaded…I don’t have time to talk to you for ten minutes about how you were going to be a police officer but changed your mind when all you want to report is that your neighbor has had their car parked in the same spot for three days.

I am the person behind the voice that reasons with mentally unstable people, that assures suicidal people that they are doing the right thing by calling 911 rather than hurting themselves, the voice that calms you when you think someone is breaking into your house, that assures you that everything is going to work out the way it should. I am the ears that listen to a woman grieving because she just found her child/parent/spouse/friend dead, that is forced to sit and listen to an open 911 call of a woman being physically abused, that hears people screaming from inside a burning car. I am the person that prays to God every day on my way to work that it will never happen, yet at the same time mentally prepares myself for an officer assist. Two words I never want to hear: “Officer Down”. It literally hurts my heart to even utter the words.

To my officers: I call you mine because it is my job to take care of you the best that I can from where I am sitting. And, let me tell you, I take that job to heart. When I check on you when you are on a traffic stop or a disturbance, it’s not because I need you to clear, it’s not to annoy you, it’s not to ‘check up’ on you…it’s because I need to know that you are safe. Many of you probably don’t know that if you are on a hot call when I leave, I either wait until the scene is stable to leave or I call someone to make sure everything turned out ok. I can’t sleep not knowing if every single one of you is going home at the end of your shift. I am pretty sure I stop breathing when a cry for help goes out over the radio or an emergency button is set off. Several of you tell me that I spoil you by being so efficient in my job. Well, call it what you want…it won’t change. This is more than just a job to me…it’s people’s lives.

So,  as I said earlier, my full-time job is rarely discussed. Most people don’t understand it unless they have been in it. Several ask me to tell them about the worst or craziest call I have taken. No thanks, don’t want to relive that. I can tell you stories of funny dispatches and moronic calls, but you still won’t understand the humor.

Just know, whether you are a citizen calling or an officer working, that I am the unfailing person behind the voice that you turn to in your time of need. And I will be there, without fail every time.

Flowers!

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My wonderful hubby sent me beautiful flowers today! What a great surprise when I got to work tonight. Thanks Babe…they are gorgeous and they weren’t even damaged this time!!! 🙂

Proof….

There really is a God. And he loves us.

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50 Things….

I promised to post at least once a week, and I am keeping that promise. The problem is…I already have a case of writer’s block and don’t really know what you talk about today…so you are getting 50 Random Q & A’s from me…enjoy.

1. What color is your toothbrush: White, blue, and pink.

2. Name one person who made you smile today? Diane Gaffney

3. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? Getting ready for bed.

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Same thing I am doing right now; working.

5. What is your favorite candy bar? I don’t really have one since I am not much of a candy eater….if I had to choose, it would be Twix probably.

6. Have you ever been to a strip club? LOL…yes. Several and several times. Even been kicked out of two different ones….

7. What is the last thing you said aloud? “I don’t know- I would have to Google it.”

8. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Vanilla…I know, I am boring!

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? Water

10. Do you like your wallet? Well, yes….that’s why I bought it!

11. What was the last thing you ate? Salad and pizza.

12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? Do shoes count? If so, yes…

13. The last sporting event you watched? The Royals game on Saturday night.

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Butter

15. Who is your hero? My dad!!

16. Ever go camping? I have been before but not recently.

17. Do you take vitamins daily? Yes, in the form of supplements.

18. Do you go to church every Sunday? Nope….maybe someday soon.

19. Do you have a tan? Yes, thanks to all the pool time I had in Vegas.

20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? Eeeeek…I can’t answer this…I don’t know!!

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? When I rarely drink soda, yes. Because it’s usually mixed with booze. 🙂

22. What did your last text message say? “They can just use their hats.”

23. What are you doing tomorrow? Working at the office and then sleeping…then coming back to work.

25. Look to your left, what do you see? My notebooks, my phone, my planner, and a pen.

26. What color is your watch? I am not wearing one.

27. What do you think of when you hear the word Australia? Koala bears and beautiful sunsets

28. What is your birthstone? Diamond, baby!

29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Drive-thru

30. What is your favorite number? 3, 7, 9….then there is 24….

31. Who’s the last person you talked to on the phone? An officer that I work with that needed to run a party.

32. Any plans today? Work!!

33. How many states have you lived in? Three

34. Biggest annoyance right now? People that always think they are right and have to prove it….even when they are wrong.

35. Last song listened to? Fix You by Coldplay (LOVE IT)

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? I’m lucky to say it forward….

37. Do you have a maid service clean your house? Hahaha….yeah, me.

38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? Flip Flops

39. Are you jealous of anyone? Not that I can think of at the moment…

40. Is anyone jealous of you? I sure hope not.

41. Do you love anyone? Absolutely….

42. Do any of your friends have children? Yes; most of them do.

43. What do you usually do during the day? Make a sad attempt at sleeping.

44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now? Hate? I don’t think so…Strongly dislike? Yeah….

45. Do you use the word ‘hello’ daily? Who doesn’t?

46. What color is your car? Red-ish

47. Do you like cats? They aren’t my favorite, but I have two.

48. Are you thinking about someone right now? Yes…

49. Have you ever been to Six Flags? What kind of question is this? Yes, I have…it is actually where I got my first kiss!

50. How did you get your worst scar? Emotional or Physical? Physical- surgery. Emotional- stay tuned to this blog.