Eight Months.

A few warnings here:

  • This is probably going to be a long one. And by probably, I mean YES.
  • I started crying before I even started typing…so let the rambling begin!
  • I may disappear (even more) from social media for a few days after this post. I ย am not ignoring you and I love your support and encouragement, so please, please don’t stop with the texts, emails, and comments! All of this can be very overwhelming and today is the first time I have looked at comparisons pictures since November…two months post surgery. A LOT changed in that six months. BUT….I am good. My heart is happy. My soul is content. My mind is at ease. I am at peace….she says as the tears stream down her face only to be met by a massive grin….on with the show!!!

I really don’t know where to start…there are a lot of emotions and thoughts running through me right now. I guess I will start with my progress since that’s probably (yes) the number one question I get! Actually, let me say this first – I had really great intentions to blog often during this journey. At minimum, I wanted to post progress pictures monthly. It just so happens that progress pictures scared the shit out of me, so I only took them two months post op….and then today of course, at eight months. Well, it just so happens that when you start actually living your life, you are tired….all the time. ๐Ÿ˜‚ย And when I am tired, I get lazy. So, sorry and I will try to do better. At least once a month updates. And if I am feeling really adventurous, I’ll start posting about my hikes and stuff! Ok back to the progress…I already warned y’all about the rambling…

Today is eight months since my life changed. I am down 105 pounds and cannot describe how amazing I feel. I didn’t know I could even feel like this and I am not even to my goal yet. The day of my surgery, I was 264 pounds. Today, I weigh 159 pounds. I have lost 61.5 inches from my body. I still have more work to put in, but I am elated with my journey thus far….and I am giving you the full pictures as I will remain 100% transparent!

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Sorry, it’s funny. And so true….some of you will agree with me on this!! Ok, fine…..here’s the real one.

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Whew. Deep breaths…LOTS of deep breaths. I just keep staring at these pictures and sobbing. There’s good sobs and sad sobs…it’s all so surreal to me. WHO THE FUCK IS THE GIRL IN THE TOP PICTURES?!?! I mean, I would take the hair back…and maybe the boobs….but it’s kinda nice being on the itty bitty titty committee for once! Anyway – seriously, it’s like I don’t even know that girl. I KNEW I was overweight, but I didn’t see myself like I do when I look at those pictures now. I guess I felt like I hid the weight well. All that doesn’t matter now….but damn….that is…WAS a sad, miserable, out of control girl there. It’s really hard for me to look at those pictures. Am I perfect now? Hell no….NEVER WILL BE. Am I much healthier both mentally and physically? Without a doubt and unapologetically, yes.

I have had a few issues since surgery…but nothing major, thankfully. I am still learning what I can and cannot eat, but for the most part I can have anything. Except sugar – that’ll basically kill me…but that’s fine! I don’t need it anyway. I walk nearly every day for my lunch break. I have a coworker that joins me regularly and a few that join when they have the time. I love encouraging people to get away from their desk and move during the day. The fresh air is good for you and the mental break is much needed. The loop that we usually do is 2.25 miles or so. A year ago, I would NEVER thought I would ever be able to do the loop…much less in 45 minutes. Now it’s done nearly daily. I get cranky if I DON’T go! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ย My how times have changed….

I have to give a huge shout out to my roommate who has supported me and kicked my ass when I needed it. He has taught me so much about outdoor life…and life in general, really…and has taken me to the most beautiful places. And just when I think it can’t get better, we end up somewhere even more amazing. He has opened my eyes to so many new adventures and shoved me outside of my box and into a word of exploration that I am now completely in love with. The sky is the limit at this point and I am so happy to have him pushing me to challenge myself daily! Enough about him…

So, what have I been up to? A lot! I have been really enjoying hiking the last couple of months. The feeling of accomplishment after a hike is phenomenal. The views are breathtaking. My sense of direction needs me work, which shouldn’t be shocking to anyone that knows me, but I will learn. I went for a beautiful 9.5 mile hike yesterday with Bronx and my friends, Travis and Clayton and their furbaby, Prissy. Those guys kicked this girl’s ass! But the views are worth every step!

Bronx is a great hiking partner….but a terrible selfie taker! ๐Ÿ˜Šย I wasn’t as sore as I thought I would be today as that was my longest hike to date. I actually feel pretty good. See, 40 isn’t so bad after all!

Speaking of 40, my mom came to town for my birthday this year. She had never been to Colorado, and while the weather spoiled some of the plans, we still had a great time. We did a little hiking at Garden of the Gods and one of the local bluffs, which gave her some great views. We also did a tour of the Celestial Tea factory and kicked around Boulder for a few hours. We met up with my high school best friend, Jaime and her wife, Paula for dinner and drinks one evening and it was great to catch up with them. Of course, we didn’t take a group photo, damn it! My mom probably hasn’t seen Jaime is close to 20 years! The time went by quickly, but it was a great visit. Next time my Mom and Dad come to visit, it will have to be in the summer so the weather doesn’t spoil things! Here’s a few pictures from her trip:

I still have a goal of hiking a 14er…I just have to set the date. I am thinking the end of this month or the beginning of June. Stay tuned for that…there WILL be a blog about that!

Bailey and Bronx are doing great! Bailey has retired from hiking and just does short strolls in the apartment complex. She will still join me for camping this summer, but she’s done hiking. I am glad she was able to experience the beauty this state has to offer pre-retirement, though! The hikes are getting longer and she is getting older, so she gets to stay home in the peace and quiet now! Bronx is a great hiking partner and is doing really well with off leash training. He hiked the long one yesterday with me and he’s still debating on whether or not he likes me today. I had to wake his ass up at 7 this morning to go outside! He’s EXHAUSTED…which is perfectly fine with me! Here’s some pictures of our adventures:

I don’t want to give anyone the idea that this journey has been easy. It hasn’t. There have been times that I wanted to give up. Completely. I have been seeing a counselor for a few months and we’ve done some good work together! I am learning to love myself…and learning that it’s ok to do so. I am learning that I don’t have to worry about what other people think of me or what they are doing. I am learning to put myself first sometimes. I am still the same Kim on the inside that I always have been – only happier. Losing weight also forced me to lose my protective blanket. I don’t have that weight to hide behind anymore and THAT journey has been VERY tough. There have been some tough self revelations, many humbling moments, and many tears shed. I have to say, though, sitting on a rock in the middle of a forest with views that literally take your breath away humbles you quickly. It is in those times that I realize that I am human. Just a tiny human in this massive world. While my problems are problems, they are small in comparison. The world is a beautiful place and sometimes it takes sunshine, a good hike, and a little wind through the trees to remember that. I am learning to know my self worth. There’s a lot that I am learning and this journey really has just begun.

Ok, enough tears….here’s some fun stuff I have discovered:

  • I really missed crossing my legs
  • I have collarbones
  • I thought something was wrong with me the first time I felt my hip bones
  • Sweatshirts come in sizes smaller than XL
  • Thrifting is like winning the jackpot now
  • Small boobs aren’t as bad as I thought they would be
  • I shed more than a cat lady’s entire collection
  • I weigh less than my DL says I do…and it’s only a few months old!

That’s enough for tonight…I have a lot more to talk about, but I need to process it all a bit more.

Thank you again to all of my friends and family that have supported me and continue to support me through this journey. This is all very surreal to me and it’s as if it’s all just a dream. If that’s the case, I will maim the person that wakes me up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Take care of yourselves and be nice to each other. This world needs a lot more understanding, kindness, and love. Be a part of the loveโ€ฆ.not the hate.