One Year….Really? Already?

Hi all!! Holy shit….I can’t believe it’s been a year since my gastric bypass!! And what a year it’s been…..

Let’s start with the most common question I get….’How much have you lost?’ Well, at my one year follow up, which was a year and a day after surgery, I was at 134 pounds with clothes on. They frowned upon me getting naked in the middle of the office. 🙄 I was 264 pounds the morning of my surgery. Yep….130 pounds gone! My half joking goal was to weigh in at half of my original weight at my one year follow up. I was two pounds off…but not really because I would have been under 134 naked! Anyway – 130. Fucking. Pounds. Gone. IN A FUCKING YEAR. This girl….this usually walking disaster that secretly felt like I was going to fail and KNEW I would NEVER see numbers under 150 on a scale…actually did it. This girl…the one that still battles her food addiction daily…is actually winning. So, here it is….there’s about a year and 10 days or so between pics…

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What. The. Fuck. Ok, so let me apologize for the miserable look on my face in these pics. The first set is understandable. I WAS miserable. The second set is from tonight and, well, it wasn’t hair washing day today and I just got done doing bills and my head was in my hands a lot. 😂🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ Back to my reaction….that is seriously what I think 87% of the time I look in the mirror. Not kidding. It’s insane to me. At a quick glance, I have liked a girl’s shirt she was wearing before realizing I was looking into a fucking mirror. Not kidddddding! The boy bestie loses me in stores. LOL! It’s really hard for me to look at these pictures. I am so proud of how far I have come…but it breaks my heart how unhappy I was and how out of control I allowed myself to get. That being said – the past is the past, people grow (I shrink 😂), and I have an incredible life waiting to be lived!

Back to the picture and stats- I usually weigh in around 130 -135 and I am good with that. I am not really worried about the numbers on the scale. I hop on every Monday to see how terrible I ate over the weekend, but that’s about it. I refuse to live by that number, but also need to keep myself in check. I have saggy skin. Whatever. It is what it is. I can’t complain…I keep saying I am going to start doing more than just cardio – but I still haven’t actually started. I hear that helps….🤷🏻‍♀️ I will get there. The skin can be bothersome, but I refuse to be mean to myself over it. It’s there and until I do something about it, it’s there to stay. I can’t complain if I don’t do anything to change it.

People often ask me how I feel and I don’t know that I can really describe that. I often tell people that I honestly didn’t know that people could live this happily. My life is far from perfect – nooooooooot even close – but I am genuinely happy. Sometimes I start to worry because I am not worrying about anything. LOL….none of you that personally know me will be surprised by this. A whole new world opened up to me. My brain is still lazy sometimes though. I won’t feel like doing something because all I can think about is how miserable I will be…and then I remember I don’t have to worry about that anymore. I have no more excuses…no more weight to hide behind.

Losing weight as I have has been a very interesting journey. I have realized that I blamed my weight for a lot of things and completely hid behind it. Now I feel naked. I have had to face things head on that I didn’t want to…ever…but I am a better person for doing so. It wasn’t my weight that made me unapproachable. It was me. Sure, I was miserable because of the weight – but I was the issue. ME. That was a tough reality. Still is…

I need to take a moment and acknowledge the boy bestie. He has supported me and gotten me out of my little world more than I ever knew was possible. We have had some incredibly hard conversations, laughed until we cried, explored too many dead end roads (😂😂), argued until we cried, and have created memories neither of us will ever forget….no matter how hard he tries. HA! You’re stuck with me forever, boy bestie….and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

I know I am rambling – I am tired and really didn’t plan on doing this tonight, so it’s all just kinda flowing as it comes to me. Again – not that you are surprised….

A few weeks ago, I asked for blog topics from my FB friends and I have a good list going. I will get to all of them eventually. The one for tonight is going to be an easy one though:

Do you have any regrets?

No. Not a single one. Not even for a second. No way.

That’s it for tonight, friends. Take care of yourself and be nice to each other. This world needs a lot more understanding, kindness, and love. Be a part of the love…not the hate.

 

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