Food For Thought

I didn’t write the following piece regarding depression, but I can relate to in on many levels. I am sharing it in the hopes that it will open some people’s eyes to the world of depression or maybe help someone realize that they are not alone in their battle. There is always hope. There is always a tomorrow.  Remember, be careful to judge someone for you don’t know what storm they have been asked to walk through.

Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comfort yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exasperates the depression and the isolation. If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an average turbulent normal life.
 
It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too. No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families; it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged.
 
Author Unknown
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Unpacking the Baggage

I realized last night while I was stalking my own blog that I have yet to explain the title of this blog. I started to, but I got off on another subject…I know, shocking.
I recruited a creative co-worker to help me think of a catchy name for my blog. We came up with…Token Fat Girl, Always the Best Friend, Behind the Smile, and (my favorite) Does This Blog Make My Ass Look Big?? None of those were the right one though. I didn’t want it to seem that this whole thing revolves around my issues with weight. Then Jayson hit the jackpot with ‘Unpacking the Baggage’. Perfect.

‘Everyone’s got some baggage; it’s a part of life. But like anything else, it’s easier when somebody else gives you a hand with it.’ That quote is from the show ‘How I Met Your Mother’….and I couldn’t have written a truer statement myself. I have a lot of baggage…both physical and mental…and it’s time to start getting rid of it. Why document this journey through a blog? Why open myself up like this? Shoot, why not? Maybe it will keep me honest about everything. Maybe someone else will read it and know they aren’t alone. Maybe it’s my way to let people in since I am not so good at asking for help. Maybe I just wanna be cool like all the other ‘bloggers’. 🙂 No matter what the reason, I am doing this. I am ready to unpack my baggage. And there are no more excuses. Excuses got me where I am today so I guess they need to be the first to go. I wrote them a little goodbye note for the occasion:

Dear Excuses:

Your time here is over….you are leaving my life today. I will not miss you. You will not dominate my life anymore….nor will you creep back into my life. I can’t change myself with your lame ass around here, so you gots to go. See ya, suckaaaaa.

Love,
Me

My load already feels lighter.