One Year….Really? Already?

Hi all!! Holy shit….I can’t believe it’s been a year since my gastric bypass!! And what a year it’s been…..

Let’s start with the most common question I get….’How much have you lost?’ Well, at my one year follow up, which was a year and a day after surgery, I was at 134 pounds with clothes on. They frowned upon me getting naked in the middle of the office. 🙄 I was 264 pounds the morning of my surgery. Yep….130 pounds gone! My half joking goal was to weigh in at half of my original weight at my one year follow up. I was two pounds off…but not really because I would have been under 134 naked! Anyway – 130. Fucking. Pounds. Gone. IN A FUCKING YEAR. This girl….this usually walking disaster that secretly felt like I was going to fail and KNEW I would NEVER see numbers under 150 on a scale…actually did it. This girl…the one that still battles her food addiction daily…is actually winning. So, here it is….there’s about a year and 10 days or so between pics…

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What. The. Fuck. Ok, so let me apologize for the miserable look on my face in these pics. The first set is understandable. I WAS miserable. The second set is from tonight and, well, it wasn’t hair washing day today and I just got done doing bills and my head was in my hands a lot. 😂🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ Back to my reaction….that is seriously what I think 87% of the time I look in the mirror. Not kidding. It’s insane to me. At a quick glance, I have liked a girl’s shirt she was wearing before realizing I was looking into a fucking mirror. Not kidddddding! The boy bestie loses me in stores. LOL! It’s really hard for me to look at these pictures. I am so proud of how far I have come…but it breaks my heart how unhappy I was and how out of control I allowed myself to get. That being said – the past is the past, people grow (I shrink 😂), and I have an incredible life waiting to be lived!

Back to the picture and stats- I usually weigh in around 130 -135 and I am good with that. I am not really worried about the numbers on the scale. I hop on every Monday to see how terrible I ate over the weekend, but that’s about it. I refuse to live by that number, but also need to keep myself in check. I have saggy skin. Whatever. It is what it is. I can’t complain…I keep saying I am going to start doing more than just cardio – but I still haven’t actually started. I hear that helps….🤷🏻‍♀️ I will get there. The skin can be bothersome, but I refuse to be mean to myself over it. It’s there and until I do something about it, it’s there to stay. I can’t complain if I don’t do anything to change it.

People often ask me how I feel and I don’t know that I can really describe that. I often tell people that I honestly didn’t know that people could live this happily. My life is far from perfect – nooooooooot even close – but I am genuinely happy. Sometimes I start to worry because I am not worrying about anything. LOL….none of you that personally know me will be surprised by this. A whole new world opened up to me. My brain is still lazy sometimes though. I won’t feel like doing something because all I can think about is how miserable I will be…and then I remember I don’t have to worry about that anymore. I have no more excuses…no more weight to hide behind.

Losing weight as I have has been a very interesting journey. I have realized that I blamed my weight for a lot of things and completely hid behind it. Now I feel naked. I have had to face things head on that I didn’t want to…ever…but I am a better person for doing so. It wasn’t my weight that made me unapproachable. It was me. Sure, I was miserable because of the weight – but I was the issue. ME. That was a tough reality. Still is…

I need to take a moment and acknowledge the boy bestie. He has supported me and gotten me out of my little world more than I ever knew was possible. We have had some incredibly hard conversations, laughed until we cried, explored too many dead end roads (😂😂), argued until we cried, and have created memories neither of us will ever forget….no matter how hard he tries. HA! You’re stuck with me forever, boy bestie….and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

I know I am rambling – I am tired and really didn’t plan on doing this tonight, so it’s all just kinda flowing as it comes to me. Again – not that you are surprised….

A few weeks ago, I asked for blog topics from my FB friends and I have a good list going. I will get to all of them eventually. The one for tonight is going to be an easy one though:

Do you have any regrets?

No. Not a single one. Not even for a second. No way.

That’s it for tonight, friends. Take care of yourself and be nice to each other. This world needs a lot more understanding, kindness, and love. Be a part of the love…not the hate.

 

Two Months…And Then Some….

Well, it’s been over two months…nearly three since surgery…and A LOT has happened. Let’s start with what you all REALLY want to know.

Last time I weighed myself and took measurements was November 7th. At that time, I was down about 34 pounds or so. It’s not where I wanted to be and I was five pounds away from the goal set by my nutritionist. BUT, I am really ok with it….because I also lost 17.5 inches overall – 4.5 of those being from my belly. 4.5 INCHES GONE FROM MY WAIST.   Insane. I know I have lost over 40 pounds at this point, but I won’t be logging my weight and doing measurements again until December 6th…ish. We all know I procrastinate, so it will likely be a few days after that. 😊 So here is what many of you have been asking for…I have thought long and hard about posting this. I have been torn and leaning towards no, actually. But fuck that – I promised to be transparent through this process and this is just part of it. So, here ya go…….and yes, I had just rolled out of bed in the second pictures! 😂

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I didn’t take measurements or pictures for one month post op. I was too scare that I would be disappointed with the results and I am really happy that I waited. I know myself well enough to know that I HAVE to see improvement or I will give up. At least, I used to be that way. I am seeing such a difference now that I am NEVER going back to where I was. I smile more. People don’t avoid eye contact with me. I still walk with my head down sometimes, but I am making a conscious effort not to. Just last week, a VERY attractive man smiled, held a door open for me, and said hi. I actually looked behind me, thinking he was talking to someone else. That kind of stuff doesn’t happen to me.  I am starting to wear clothes that I have always admired from afar. And this is only the beginning, people.

I honestly didn’t think I would be feeling this emotionally stable at this point in the game.  Seeing as I have always struggled with depression and negative self image, I figured I would be struggling a lot, even more than before. I still have my moments, but they are getting to be less and less. I am instead concentrating on the positive. I still have a long way to go…but I am so happy with how far I have already come.

Other than that, work is busy. I have a roommate. I am in the process of buying a house. And life is good. It really is. I am hoping to sit down and write my annual Thanksgiving Day post, but it may be delayed by a few days. So, enjoy your time with your friends and/or family…or alone if that’s your thing. If you are working, thank you. If you are in the Denver or KC area and don’t have anywhere to go, contact me….I will try my best to find you a warm meal!

Take care of yourselves and be nice to each other. This world needs a lot more understanding, kindness, and love. Be a part of the love….not the hate.

Tough Choices.

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There are times in life when really tough choices have to be made. And sometimes, even when you know you are making the right choice, the pain is so tremendous that you can’t even breathe. That, my friends, is where I stand in life today. I am not going into detail as many of you already know what is going on. I am, however, going to respectfully ask that you keep your opinions on the situation to yourself during this time. You do not have to agree with anything that is going on and I respect the fact that you are entitled to your opinion. What I will not accept right now is unsolicited advice or opinions. Keep in mind that there are three sides to every story: my perception, his perception, and the way things actually happened. Rather than trying to place blame or give advice on how to fix things, please show your support instead. By showing your support, you are not agreeing with the situation, but rather being a true friend. I have learned so much over the past year- not only about myself- but also about the true meaning of friendship.  I have had people that I never, ever thought would turn their back to me do just that. Although it hurts more than I can express, I have come to peace with it. More importantly, I have had friends support me when I needed it the most and without having to ask. Anyone that knows me knows that I struggle asking for help sometimes….ok, most of the time. I haven’t even had to ask with these friends…they know me well enough to know when to take my mind off things. They have stepped up in ways that I am eternally grateful for and I know that I will never, ever be able to repay them for. I have learned that life is way too short to be anything but happy and in love with life. I have learned that it’s perfectly fine to have a bad day as long as you remember that it’s just a bad day- not a bad life. I have learned that I don’t need to be saved by anyone; I saved myself and am damn proud of that. Life is an ongoing struggle sometimes: I could be skinnier, I could be prettier, I could be smarter, I could be wealthy…but you know what I have come to realize? I am me. I will hold my head high knowing that I love this life I have been given, I am compassionate, I have a genuine heart and an old soul…and that is good enough for me.