One Year….Really? Already?

Hi all!! Holy shit….I can’t believe it’s been a year since my gastric bypass!! And what a year it’s been…..

Let’s start with the most common question I get….’How much have you lost?’ Well, at my one year follow up, which was a year and a day after surgery, I was at 134 pounds with clothes on. They frowned upon me getting naked in the middle of the office. 🙄 I was 264 pounds the morning of my surgery. Yep….130 pounds gone! My half joking goal was to weigh in at half of my original weight at my one year follow up. I was two pounds off…but not really because I would have been under 134 naked! Anyway – 130. Fucking. Pounds. Gone. IN A FUCKING YEAR. This girl….this usually walking disaster that secretly felt like I was going to fail and KNEW I would NEVER see numbers under 150 on a scale…actually did it. This girl…the one that still battles her food addiction daily…is actually winning. So, here it is….there’s about a year and 10 days or so between pics…

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What. The. Fuck. Ok, so let me apologize for the miserable look on my face in these pics. The first set is understandable. I WAS miserable. The second set is from tonight and, well, it wasn’t hair washing day today and I just got done doing bills and my head was in my hands a lot. 😂🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ Back to my reaction….that is seriously what I think 87% of the time I look in the mirror. Not kidding. It’s insane to me. At a quick glance, I have liked a girl’s shirt she was wearing before realizing I was looking into a fucking mirror. Not kidddddding! The boy bestie loses me in stores. LOL! It’s really hard for me to look at these pictures. I am so proud of how far I have come…but it breaks my heart how unhappy I was and how out of control I allowed myself to get. That being said – the past is the past, people grow (I shrink 😂), and I have an incredible life waiting to be lived!

Back to the picture and stats- I usually weigh in around 130 -135 and I am good with that. I am not really worried about the numbers on the scale. I hop on every Monday to see how terrible I ate over the weekend, but that’s about it. I refuse to live by that number, but also need to keep myself in check. I have saggy skin. Whatever. It is what it is. I can’t complain…I keep saying I am going to start doing more than just cardio – but I still haven’t actually started. I hear that helps….🤷🏻‍♀️ I will get there. The skin can be bothersome, but I refuse to be mean to myself over it. It’s there and until I do something about it, it’s there to stay. I can’t complain if I don’t do anything to change it.

People often ask me how I feel and I don’t know that I can really describe that. I often tell people that I honestly didn’t know that people could live this happily. My life is far from perfect – nooooooooot even close – but I am genuinely happy. Sometimes I start to worry because I am not worrying about anything. LOL….none of you that personally know me will be surprised by this. A whole new world opened up to me. My brain is still lazy sometimes though. I won’t feel like doing something because all I can think about is how miserable I will be…and then I remember I don’t have to worry about that anymore. I have no more excuses…no more weight to hide behind.

Losing weight as I have has been a very interesting journey. I have realized that I blamed my weight for a lot of things and completely hid behind it. Now I feel naked. I have had to face things head on that I didn’t want to…ever…but I am a better person for doing so. It wasn’t my weight that made me unapproachable. It was me. Sure, I was miserable because of the weight – but I was the issue. ME. That was a tough reality. Still is…

I need to take a moment and acknowledge the boy bestie. He has supported me and gotten me out of my little world more than I ever knew was possible. We have had some incredibly hard conversations, laughed until we cried, explored too many dead end roads (😂😂), argued until we cried, and have created memories neither of us will ever forget….no matter how hard he tries. HA! You’re stuck with me forever, boy bestie….and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

I know I am rambling – I am tired and really didn’t plan on doing this tonight, so it’s all just kinda flowing as it comes to me. Again – not that you are surprised….

A few weeks ago, I asked for blog topics from my FB friends and I have a good list going. I will get to all of them eventually. The one for tonight is going to be an easy one though:

Do you have any regrets?

No. Not a single one. Not even for a second. No way.

That’s it for tonight, friends. Take care of yourself and be nice to each other. This world needs a lot more understanding, kindness, and love. Be a part of the love…not the hate.

 

Two Months…And Then Some….

Well, it’s been over two months…nearly three since surgery…and A LOT has happened. Let’s start with what you all REALLY want to know.

Last time I weighed myself and took measurements was November 7th. At that time, I was down about 34 pounds or so. It’s not where I wanted to be and I was five pounds away from the goal set by my nutritionist. BUT, I am really ok with it….because I also lost 17.5 inches overall – 4.5 of those being from my belly. 4.5 INCHES GONE FROM MY WAIST.   Insane. I know I have lost over 40 pounds at this point, but I won’t be logging my weight and doing measurements again until December 6th…ish. We all know I procrastinate, so it will likely be a few days after that. 😊 So here is what many of you have been asking for…I have thought long and hard about posting this. I have been torn and leaning towards no, actually. But fuck that – I promised to be transparent through this process and this is just part of it. So, here ya go…….and yes, I had just rolled out of bed in the second pictures! 😂

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I didn’t take measurements or pictures for one month post op. I was too scare that I would be disappointed with the results and I am really happy that I waited. I know myself well enough to know that I HAVE to see improvement or I will give up. At least, I used to be that way. I am seeing such a difference now that I am NEVER going back to where I was. I smile more. People don’t avoid eye contact with me. I still walk with my head down sometimes, but I am making a conscious effort not to. Just last week, a VERY attractive man smiled, held a door open for me, and said hi. I actually looked behind me, thinking he was talking to someone else. That kind of stuff doesn’t happen to me.  I am starting to wear clothes that I have always admired from afar. And this is only the beginning, people.

I honestly didn’t think I would be feeling this emotionally stable at this point in the game.  Seeing as I have always struggled with depression and negative self image, I figured I would be struggling a lot, even more than before. I still have my moments, but they are getting to be less and less. I am instead concentrating on the positive. I still have a long way to go…but I am so happy with how far I have already come.

Other than that, work is busy. I have a roommate. I am in the process of buying a house. And life is good. It really is. I am hoping to sit down and write my annual Thanksgiving Day post, but it may be delayed by a few days. So, enjoy your time with your friends and/or family…or alone if that’s your thing. If you are working, thank you. If you are in the Denver or KC area and don’t have anywhere to go, contact me….I will try my best to find you a warm meal!

Take care of yourselves and be nice to each other. This world needs a lot more understanding, kindness, and love. Be a part of the love….not the hate.

Unpacking the Baggage

I realized last night while I was stalking my own blog that I have yet to explain the title of this blog. I started to, but I got off on another subject…I know, shocking.
I recruited a creative co-worker to help me think of a catchy name for my blog. We came up with…Token Fat Girl, Always the Best Friend, Behind the Smile, and (my favorite) Does This Blog Make My Ass Look Big?? None of those were the right one though. I didn’t want it to seem that this whole thing revolves around my issues with weight. Then Jayson hit the jackpot with ‘Unpacking the Baggage’. Perfect.

‘Everyone’s got some baggage; it’s a part of life. But like anything else, it’s easier when somebody else gives you a hand with it.’ That quote is from the show ‘How I Met Your Mother’….and I couldn’t have written a truer statement myself. I have a lot of baggage…both physical and mental…and it’s time to start getting rid of it. Why document this journey through a blog? Why open myself up like this? Shoot, why not? Maybe it will keep me honest about everything. Maybe someone else will read it and know they aren’t alone. Maybe it’s my way to let people in since I am not so good at asking for help. Maybe I just wanna be cool like all the other ‘bloggers’. 🙂 No matter what the reason, I am doing this. I am ready to unpack my baggage. And there are no more excuses. Excuses got me where I am today so I guess they need to be the first to go. I wrote them a little goodbye note for the occasion:

Dear Excuses:

Your time here is over….you are leaving my life today. I will not miss you. You will not dominate my life anymore….nor will you creep back into my life. I can’t change myself with your lame ass around here, so you gots to go. See ya, suckaaaaa.

Love,
Me

My load already feels lighter.