A Girl’s Best Friend

541b0c2b1154e52d52af84ebe67ab359.jpg

Hello again! I know, it’s been a while; sorry. Time really does just get away from me sometimes. Always. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Anyway, life is….different. At the end of January, I was involved in a car accident that took the life of my Bronx (my 8 year old lab). No humans were seriously hurt and Bailey (my 13 year old lab) is recovering really well! Bailey did injure her back, but she is able to get around on her own and still enjoys (much shorter) strolls. She’s a trooper and has been through so much. She’s pretty amazing!

My Bronxy didn’t make it though. Losing him has been heartbreaking to say the least. He was a pain in the ass…but he was my most loyal dog. He wanted nothing more than to be by my side…no matter how uncomfortable that made him. I am pretty sure there isn’t a single person in the world that loved me more. He was amazing and I miss him so much!  And hiking this summer just isn’t going to be the same! A lot…and I mean a lot…of really amazing people reached out to me to support me through this terrible time. My team at work, my boss, and all my coworkers made sure I was taken care of. And there was a group of people – some complete strangers to me – that made sure I was able to have Bronx’s ashes returned to me. Thank you isn’t even enough – from the bottom of my heart and to each and every one of you – I am eternally grateful for you.

As if you haven’t seen them before, here’s some pics of my boy!

IMG_1411.jpg

My two guardian angels now…

IMG_8982.jpeg

So, the car has been replaced. Life has moved on. It has to. We can dwell, feel sorry for ourselves, and make our lives miserable or we can take care of ourselves, rise up, and move on. Cars are replaceable and we know we will eventually lose our fur babies. I sure wasn’t ready to lose Bronx, but I am glad I still have Bailey around to help me through this!

Other than that, life if good! Work is busy – such is claims. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I need to plan a trip back to KC, but not really sure when that will happen. I can’t handle y’all’s summers anymore! I changed my phone number, so if you have texted me and I haven’t responded, send me a FB message or something. I am not on there often, but I will see it eventually. 😊 I will do a progress post soon – I promise. I have just been too lazy to take pics. 🤦🏻‍♀️ All is well though.

That’s it for tonight. Sorry it’s short and sweet….or maybe you prefer it this way? Here’s some pics of the one that’s going to out live us all…..

2BFC1A19-8059-43B6-A5B3-A81A3D856821.jpg

33FE36C3-A2B8-46F8-86F5-957ABACACC37.jpg

We had a nice walk for coffee last weekend. 😊

Take care of yourself and be nice to each other. This world needs a lot more understanding, kindness, and love. Be a part of the love, not the hate.

Advertisements

One Year….Really? Already?

Hi all!! Holy shit….I can’t believe it’s been a year since my gastric bypass!! And what a year it’s been…..

Let’s start with the most common question I get….’How much have you lost?’ Well, at my one year follow up, which was a year and a day after surgery, I was at 134 pounds with clothes on. They frowned upon me getting naked in the middle of the office. 🙄 I was 264 pounds the morning of my surgery. Yep….130 pounds gone! My half joking goal was to weigh in at half of my original weight at my one year follow up. I was two pounds off…but not really because I would have been under 134 naked! Anyway – 130. Fucking. Pounds. Gone. IN A FUCKING YEAR. This girl….this usually walking disaster that secretly felt like I was going to fail and KNEW I would NEVER see numbers under 150 on a scale…actually did it. This girl…the one that still battles her food addiction daily…is actually winning. So, here it is….there’s about a year and 10 days or so between pics…

IMG_0733

What. The. Fuck. Ok, so let me apologize for the miserable look on my face in these pics. The first set is understandable. I WAS miserable. The second set is from tonight and, well, it wasn’t hair washing day today and I just got done doing bills and my head was in my hands a lot. 😂🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ Back to my reaction….that is seriously what I think 87% of the time I look in the mirror. Not kidding. It’s insane to me. At a quick glance, I have liked a girl’s shirt she was wearing before realizing I was looking into a fucking mirror. Not kidddddding! The boy bestie loses me in stores. LOL! It’s really hard for me to look at these pictures. I am so proud of how far I have come…but it breaks my heart how unhappy I was and how out of control I allowed myself to get. That being said – the past is the past, people grow (I shrink 😂), and I have an incredible life waiting to be lived!

Back to the picture and stats- I usually weigh in around 130 -135 and I am good with that. I am not really worried about the numbers on the scale. I hop on every Monday to see how terrible I ate over the weekend, but that’s about it. I refuse to live by that number, but also need to keep myself in check. I have saggy skin. Whatever. It is what it is. I can’t complain…I keep saying I am going to start doing more than just cardio – but I still haven’t actually started. I hear that helps….🤷🏻‍♀️ I will get there. The skin can be bothersome, but I refuse to be mean to myself over it. It’s there and until I do something about it, it’s there to stay. I can’t complain if I don’t do anything to change it.

People often ask me how I feel and I don’t know that I can really describe that. I often tell people that I honestly didn’t know that people could live this happily. My life is far from perfect – nooooooooot even close – but I am genuinely happy. Sometimes I start to worry because I am not worrying about anything. LOL….none of you that personally know me will be surprised by this. A whole new world opened up to me. My brain is still lazy sometimes though. I won’t feel like doing something because all I can think about is how miserable I will be…and then I remember I don’t have to worry about that anymore. I have no more excuses…no more weight to hide behind.

Losing weight as I have has been a very interesting journey. I have realized that I blamed my weight for a lot of things and completely hid behind it. Now I feel naked. I have had to face things head on that I didn’t want to…ever…but I am a better person for doing so. It wasn’t my weight that made me unapproachable. It was me. Sure, I was miserable because of the weight – but I was the issue. ME. That was a tough reality. Still is…

I need to take a moment and acknowledge the boy bestie. He has supported me and gotten me out of my little world more than I ever knew was possible. We have had some incredibly hard conversations, laughed until we cried, explored too many dead end roads (😂😂), argued until we cried, and have created memories neither of us will ever forget….no matter how hard he tries. HA! You’re stuck with me forever, boy bestie….and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

I know I am rambling – I am tired and really didn’t plan on doing this tonight, so it’s all just kinda flowing as it comes to me. Again – not that you are surprised….

A few weeks ago, I asked for blog topics from my FB friends and I have a good list going. I will get to all of them eventually. The one for tonight is going to be an easy one though:

Do you have any regrets?

No. Not a single one. Not even for a second. No way.

That’s it for tonight, friends. Take care of yourself and be nice to each other. This world needs a lot more understanding, kindness, and love. Be a part of the love…not the hate.

 

Eight Months.

A few warnings here:

  • This is probably going to be a long one. And by probably, I mean YES.
  • I started crying before I even started typing…so let the rambling begin!
  • I may disappear (even more) from social media for a few days after this post. I  am not ignoring you and I love your support and encouragement, so please, please don’t stop with the texts, emails, and comments! All of this can be very overwhelming and today is the first time I have looked at comparisons pictures since November…two months post surgery. A LOT changed in that six months. BUT….I am good. My heart is happy. My soul is content. My mind is at ease. I am at peace….she says as the tears stream down her face only to be met by a massive grin….on with the show!!!

I really don’t know where to start…there are a lot of emotions and thoughts running through me right now. I guess I will start with my progress since that’s probably (yes) the number one question I get! Actually, let me say this first – I had really great intentions to blog often during this journey. At minimum, I wanted to post progress pictures monthly. It just so happens that progress pictures scared the shit out of me, so I only took them two months post op….and then today of course, at eight months. Well, it just so happens that when you start actually living your life, you are tired….all the time. 😂 And when I am tired, I get lazy. So, sorry and I will try to do better. At least once a month updates. And if I am feeling really adventurous, I’ll start posting about my hikes and stuff! Ok back to the progress…I already warned y’all about the rambling…

Today is eight months since my life changed. I am down 105 pounds and cannot describe how amazing I feel. I didn’t know I could even feel like this and I am not even to my goal yet. The day of my surgery, I was 264 pounds. Today, I weigh 159 pounds. I have lost 61.5 inches from my body. I still have more work to put in, but I am elated with my journey thus far….and I am giving you the full pictures as I will remain 100% transparent!

IMG_8549

Sorry, it’s funny. And so true….some of you will agree with me on this!! Ok, fine…..here’s the real one.

IMG_9279

Whew. Deep breaths…LOTS of deep breaths. I just keep staring at these pictures and sobbing. There’s good sobs and sad sobs…it’s all so surreal to me. WHO THE FUCK IS THE GIRL IN THE TOP PICTURES?!?! I mean, I would take the hair back…and maybe the boobs….but it’s kinda nice being on the itty bitty titty committee for once! Anyway – seriously, it’s like I don’t even know that girl. I KNEW I was overweight, but I didn’t see myself like I do when I look at those pictures now. I guess I felt like I hid the weight well. All that doesn’t matter now….but damn….that is…WAS a sad, miserable, out of control girl there. It’s really hard for me to look at those pictures. Am I perfect now? Hell no….NEVER WILL BE. Am I much healthier both mentally and physically? Without a doubt and unapologetically, yes.

I have had a few issues since surgery…but nothing major, thankfully. I am still learning what I can and cannot eat, but for the most part I can have anything. Except sugar – that’ll basically kill me…but that’s fine! I don’t need it anyway. I walk nearly every day for my lunch break. I have a coworker that joins me regularly and a few that join when they have the time. I love encouraging people to get away from their desk and move during the day. The fresh air is good for you and the mental break is much needed. The loop that we usually do is 2.25 miles or so. A year ago, I would NEVER thought I would ever be able to do the loop…much less in 45 minutes. Now it’s done nearly daily. I get cranky if I DON’T go! 😂😂 My how times have changed….

I have to give a huge shout out to my roommate who has supported me and kicked my ass when I needed it. He has taught me so much about outdoor life…and life in general, really…and has taken me to the most beautiful places. And just when I think it can’t get better, we end up somewhere even more amazing. He has opened my eyes to so many new adventures and shoved me outside of my box and into a word of exploration that I am now completely in love with. The sky is the limit at this point and I am so happy to have him pushing me to challenge myself daily! Enough about him…

So, what have I been up to? A lot! I have been really enjoying hiking the last couple of months. The feeling of accomplishment after a hike is phenomenal. The views are breathtaking. My sense of direction needs me work, which shouldn’t be shocking to anyone that knows me, but I will learn. I went for a beautiful 9.5 mile hike yesterday with Bronx and my friends, Travis and Clayton and their furbaby, Prissy. Those guys kicked this girl’s ass! But the views are worth every step!

Bronx is a great hiking partner….but a terrible selfie taker! 😊 I wasn’t as sore as I thought I would be today as that was my longest hike to date. I actually feel pretty good. See, 40 isn’t so bad after all!

Speaking of 40, my mom came to town for my birthday this year. She had never been to Colorado, and while the weather spoiled some of the plans, we still had a great time. We did a little hiking at Garden of the Gods and one of the local bluffs, which gave her some great views. We also did a tour of the Celestial Tea factory and kicked around Boulder for a few hours. We met up with my high school best friend, Jaime and her wife, Paula for dinner and drinks one evening and it was great to catch up with them. Of course, we didn’t take a group photo, damn it! My mom probably hasn’t seen Jaime is close to 20 years! The time went by quickly, but it was a great visit. Next time my Mom and Dad come to visit, it will have to be in the summer so the weather doesn’t spoil things! Here’s a few pictures from her trip:

I still have a goal of hiking a 14er…I just have to set the date. I am thinking the end of this month or the beginning of June. Stay tuned for that…there WILL be a blog about that!

Bailey and Bronx are doing great! Bailey has retired from hiking and just does short strolls in the apartment complex. She will still join me for camping this summer, but she’s done hiking. I am glad she was able to experience the beauty this state has to offer pre-retirement, though! The hikes are getting longer and she is getting older, so she gets to stay home in the peace and quiet now! Bronx is a great hiking partner and is doing really well with off leash training. He hiked the long one yesterday with me and he’s still debating on whether or not he likes me today. I had to wake his ass up at 7 this morning to go outside! He’s EXHAUSTED…which is perfectly fine with me! Here’s some pictures of our adventures:

I don’t want to give anyone the idea that this journey has been easy. It hasn’t. There have been times that I wanted to give up. Completely. I have been seeing a counselor for a few months and we’ve done some good work together! I am learning to love myself…and learning that it’s ok to do so. I am learning that I don’t have to worry about what other people think of me or what they are doing. I am learning to put myself first sometimes. I am still the same Kim on the inside that I always have been – only happier. Losing weight also forced me to lose my protective blanket. I don’t have that weight to hide behind anymore and THAT journey has been VERY tough. There have been some tough self revelations, many humbling moments, and many tears shed. I have to say, though, sitting on a rock in the middle of a forest with views that literally take your breath away humbles you quickly. It is in those times that I realize that I am human. Just a tiny human in this massive world. While my problems are problems, they are small in comparison. The world is a beautiful place and sometimes it takes sunshine, a good hike, and a little wind through the trees to remember that. I am learning to know my self worth. There’s a lot that I am learning and this journey really has just begun.

Ok, enough tears….here’s some fun stuff I have discovered:

  • I really missed crossing my legs
  • I have collarbones
  • I thought something was wrong with me the first time I felt my hip bones
  • Sweatshirts come in sizes smaller than XL
  • Thrifting is like winning the jackpot now
  • Small boobs aren’t as bad as I thought they would be
  • I shed more than a cat lady’s entire collection
  • I weigh less than my DL says I do…and it’s only a few months old!

That’s enough for tonight…I have a lot more to talk about, but I need to process it all a bit more.

Thank you again to all of my friends and family that have supported me and continue to support me through this journey. This is all very surreal to me and it’s as if it’s all just a dream. If that’s the case, I will maim the person that wakes me up. 😂😂

Take care of yourselves and be nice to each other. This world needs a lot more understanding, kindness, and love. Be a part of the love….not the hate.

Two Months…And Then Some….

Well, it’s been over two months…nearly three since surgery…and A LOT has happened. Let’s start with what you all REALLY want to know.

Last time I weighed myself and took measurements was November 7th. At that time, I was down about 34 pounds or so. It’s not where I wanted to be and I was five pounds away from the goal set by my nutritionist. BUT, I am really ok with it….because I also lost 17.5 inches overall – 4.5 of those being from my belly. 4.5 INCHES GONE FROM MY WAIST.   Insane. I know I have lost over 40 pounds at this point, but I won’t be logging my weight and doing measurements again until December 6th…ish. We all know I procrastinate, so it will likely be a few days after that. 😊 So here is what many of you have been asking for…I have thought long and hard about posting this. I have been torn and leaning towards no, actually. But fuck that – I promised to be transparent through this process and this is just part of it. So, here ya go…….and yes, I had just rolled out of bed in the second pictures! 😂

IMG_8403

I didn’t take measurements or pictures for one month post op. I was too scare that I would be disappointed with the results and I am really happy that I waited. I know myself well enough to know that I HAVE to see improvement or I will give up. At least, I used to be that way. I am seeing such a difference now that I am NEVER going back to where I was. I smile more. People don’t avoid eye contact with me. I still walk with my head down sometimes, but I am making a conscious effort not to. Just last week, a VERY attractive man smiled, held a door open for me, and said hi. I actually looked behind me, thinking he was talking to someone else. That kind of stuff doesn’t happen to me.  I am starting to wear clothes that I have always admired from afar. And this is only the beginning, people.

I honestly didn’t think I would be feeling this emotionally stable at this point in the game.  Seeing as I have always struggled with depression and negative self image, I figured I would be struggling a lot, even more than before. I still have my moments, but they are getting to be less and less. I am instead concentrating on the positive. I still have a long way to go…but I am so happy with how far I have already come.

Other than that, work is busy. I have a roommate. I am in the process of buying a house. And life is good. It really is. I am hoping to sit down and write my annual Thanksgiving Day post, but it may be delayed by a few days. So, enjoy your time with your friends and/or family…or alone if that’s your thing. If you are working, thank you. If you are in the Denver or KC area and don’t have anywhere to go, contact me….I will try my best to find you a warm meal!

Take care of yourselves and be nice to each other. This world needs a lot more understanding, kindness, and love. Be a part of the love….not the hate.

The Truth About My Addiction

When I started this journey, I promised myself (and others) that I would be honest about everything while being completely transparent. While I haven’t been dishonest about anything, I don’t think I fully explained everything either. As usual, I held back to hide my addiction. Well, here goes nothing.

Last week, I was able to spend some time talking with a friend of mine. She asked how I was feeling, we talked about my surgery, and we started talking about comments people made to me when I told them I was having it. Stuff like ‘But you’re so pretty already’ or ‘You aren’t THAT big’ or ‘I need to have that surgery’ (from a thin person). We talked about our own struggles and we both shared our stories. We learned that we are both binge eaters. I never really tell people that. Most people just think I ate poorly. That wasn’t my issue. I binged. A lot. When I went to McDonald’s I ordered at least two meals. My Taco Bell tabs were usually over $20. I ordered a family meal from Pizza Hut on a Friday and it was all gone by Sunday. Those are definitely things I have never told anyone. Sometimes, if I was going to dinner with friends, I would eat McDonald’s on the way there, then eat at dinner, and then sometimes even stop somewhere on the way home. Talking to me friend and knowing that she truly understands this addiction helped me come to terms with this. It gave me the courage to fully admit, to everyone, the full truth about my addiction. Standing before me was a beautiful, intelligent, old souled, open hearted woman who carries herself such amazing confidence, that I ADMIRE her! And yet she struggles like I do. And she has the same mind fucks I do, so she really does understand what it’s like. Her sharing her story gave me the courage to really accept this reality and be transparent as promised. Yet another reason I adore her! She’s awesome, even in a vulnerable moment, without even trying!

Would you have been perfectly fine not knowing the full realm of my addiction? Yeah, of course you would. Why do I share? Because I want people to know they aren’t alone. I am done being ashamed of this addiction. There is no reason to be ashamed of anything. I have always felt so alone when it came to my eating habits. I isolated myself because I didn’t want people to know what I was doing. I didn’t binge in front of people. I always did it alone. I hid in bathrooms, I raided cabinets while people weren’t looking, I snuck food all the time. Sound familiar to anyone? It’s ok…you aren’t alone. And coming to terms with the fact that you have an addiction is the first step in changing your life. There is help available, and it is a real problem. People that tell you differently are just fooling themselves. Please, reach out to someone. And tell the fat shamers to fuck off.

*Steps off soapbox*

My one month appointment went well last week. While I didn’t  hit my goal of losing 26 pounds, I did lose 21! I haven’t done my measurements yet (it’s been hectic around here), but my clothes are definitely fitting loose on me! I am now on soft foods, so it’s been interesting introducing more foods into my diet. I am gaining my energy back and feeling pretty good these days. I have also been released to start exercising, so I think I am going to start running next week. I have missed it…I just hope it’s nice to me!

That’s all for tonight….this chick is TIRED. Take care of yourself and be nice to each other. This world needs a lot more kindness and love. Be a part of that…not the hate.

Three Weeks Post Op

Well, yesterday was three weeks since my gastric bypass surgery…and I got to spend it at work and then Urgent Care to get rehydrated! Let’s go back a few weeks….

My surgery was 9/6/17 and everything went great. Dad got here a few days before and he helped me tie up a few loose ends before the big day. We also had some time to hang out on my balcony, have a few beers, and watch some baseball. Monday night, we went out for my last meal – sushi. Of course, I didn’t have much of an appetite…but I managed to get my share. I order delivery from the place we went, but had never been to the restaurant. This is what I have been missing:

IMG_8116It was amazing as always and the presentation was so cool! I am not sure I will get delivery anymore…it’s worth the trip to the restaurant!

Fast forward to Wednesday….the day of surgery! I don’t feel like I was nervous – more like restless. I didn’t have to be at the hospital until 11:30, so all morning, I just felt like I was waiting for paint to dry. I couldn’t have food or water past 6am, so it’s not like I could do much anyway. Eventually, we left for the hospital. We got there, I was admitted, and stuff started happening! Woo-Hoo! The nurses all made comments about how excited I was and how my positive attitude was going to play a huge role in my recovery. Of course, they all loved Dad and I got some killer yellow socks!

IMG_8117

I obviously don’t remember anything from surgery, but I was told that it all went really well. My first clear memory doesn’t really start until I started vomiting. Oh boy….it was terrible. I was vomiting blood and dry heaving for several hours. With that came hot flashes and I even peed the bed a few times because I was straining so hard to try to get whatever was upsetting me out! I was hot, but not running a fever. I swear it was 150 degrees in that damn room…lol. My nurse brought me an ice pack for the back of my neck and ice for me to chew on if I was feeling up to it. I didn’t know how amazing ice could taste! I think around 5am, things started to settle down and I was able to rest a little. I was absolutely miserable, but I don’t remember ever thinking ‘What have I done?’ Now, I don’t remember much from the night, but I did apologize to my nurse and tech the next morning before they left because I know there were moments that I wasn’t kind to them! They both laughed and told me I was not a problem and I wasn’t mean to them. They were great and I made sure to acknowledge all of my nurses and techs…they all were great to me.

Thursday went well. I rarely used my pain pump and my nurse kept dangling it in front of me telling me it’s ok to use. I just laughed and told her that I don’t want to use it if I don’t need it. I think being depended on Morphine just prolongs your recovery and I didn’t want anything to do with that. Dr Chae came in and checked me in the morning (I think it was morning). He advised I had a reaction to the anesthesia and that’s why I had a terrible night. He said everything was good and that I would probably be released Thursday. Dad and I spent a lot of the day walking the halls of my unit – they encourage that – and I napped a bit too. Dr Chae came back around 8pm and released me. So, we stopped at Target to get my scripts and headed home. I don’t remember much after Target. LOL

The next morning, I had Dad run me up to work so that I could get my info binder that desperately needed to organized. Of course, everyone at work thought I was nuts, but I wanted to get out while I had a little energy. I didn’t do much the next few days. We did get out at least once a day to walk – went to the mall, Walmart, pet store…just out and about, really. I tired easily, but made sure I was still moving as much as I could. Sleeping was a little rough because I still had a drain in…getting comfortable wan’t in the cards. But, I got through it! A lot of the week after surgery is a bur. Dad was an enormous help around here. I couldn’t have done this without him, that’s for sure. And Mom was kept in the loop, too. There wasn’t really a reason for both of them to come out…so she stayed home and was a busy bee between the new house and their current house.

Dad left on the 13th. It was a little weird driving again, but I was fine. I was supposed to go back to work the following day, but that evening all my incisions developed a rash around them that itched like crazy! I called the surgeon’s office the next morning and they wanted me to wait until they saw me Thursday before going back to work just in case there was an infection or anything. Ok, fine. 😒 I went in for my follow-up on Thursday and they were all really impressed with how well I was doing. Dr Chae took one look at the rash I had all over my truck and said I had an allergic reaction to the glue he used.  SERIOUSLY?! I am not even allergic to poison ivy! There is nothing they can do for it…it has to run it’s course and the glue will eventually go away over time. He told me to use Benadryl around the incisions for the time being. He also pulled my drain…which was a really weird sensation. He and my nutritionist said that I was doing really well and that I just need to continue following the instructions they give me (apparently a lot of people don’t) and I would be really happy with the results!

I went back to work the next day, but only lasted about a little over half a day. Everything went pretty well until Wednesday of the next week (last week). Everything I tried to eat, either hurt or came back up. I went just under 24 hours without food or drink…I was miserable and so weak! I missed a day and a half of work again, which stressed me out, but I had to put my health first. So now we are to this week….

I have been at work all week, but on Tuesday, food and liquids weren’t settling well with me. By yesterday, I hadn’t eaten or drank anything in over 24 hours and I knew I was getting dehydrated, so I headed straight to Urgent Care after work and they hooked me up with two bags of fluid (two liters!). IMG_8277.JPG

They also did blood work to make sure everything looked ok, and it came back fine. I felt amazingly better when I left there yesterday! Today was good and I was able to eat and drink without any issues.

So, that’s where I am at. I don’t know how much weight I have lost because my scale really sucks. LOL. I do weigh myself about once a week – I am trying to get that down to ONLY once a week – but I just get excited and want to see my progress. I am taking pictures and measurements once a month…so that’s probably when I will post my weight and inches lost. I haven’t decided what I want to do with the pictures yet. Not sure any of you are ready to go blind yet! 😂😂

It’s really important to me that I am open and honest about this journey I am on. The support that I have with my friends, family, and co-workers has been humbling. If anyone has said anything negative, it hasn’t gotten back to me and I am thankful for that. I have actually been approached by a co-worker who is considering looking into the surgery as well. That right there is the reason I am blogging through this journey. If I can reach one person and help them take their life back, it’s worth laying it all out there for the world to see. I am only three weeks out and the difference in how I feel is already amazing. People have even commented on how much happier I am (most days) at work. Yesterday was a really tough day for me and it’s the first time I actually said ‘maybe I did the wrong thing’. But, I know that was circumstantial because I don’t regret my decision one bit. It’s funny that I crave water more than food now. Of course, other people’s food looks amazing…but I guess Dr Chae also installed some self control…because while it looks good, I don’t want it. I am not fucking this up. I am going to be successful, both body and mind, and I am going to do amazing things. This weight is no longer holding me back. I can already tell that my confidence is starting to come back and I am really excited about that. I still have a long road ahead of me, but I will soon be running down that road, training for a 5K. I figure I’ll just start at the beginning again! I have held myself back for too long. This chick is ready to fly!! This picture describes it so well….

IMG_8167

I am going to hop off here for now, I just wanted to get everyone caught up. I promise I will blog much more regularly from now on – it’s just been a crazy few weeks! Please feel free to follow my blog (regardless if I know you or not). I appreciate you all so much! Thank you for being on this journey with me!

Take care of yourselves and be nice to each other. This world needs a lot more understanding, kindness, and love. Be a part of the love….not the hate.

And so it begins…

Well, tomorrow is the big day. Excited doesn’t even cover it. It felt like today was going to take forever to get here…but now I feel like I just started this journey yesterday. Several people have asked if I am nervous…I am not….not yet, anyway. The nerves may set in tomorrow, but that’s normal. Hello…I am undergoing a life changing surgery! The support that I have received is phenomenal and I am so excited for all of you to be on this journey with me. I promise, you will not be let down. There will be highs and lows, but in the end, I am going to be a healthier, happier person. There isn’t a doubt in my mind. And honestly, if there is a doubt in yours, you can pound sand because I don’t need people like that around. 😀

I am off to try to get some sleep. I am exhausted…and I feel like this concoction is going to keep me up most of the night. 😂😂IMG_8114

My surgery is tomorrow at 1330, so if you can throw any positive thoughts, prayers, vibes, or whatever else you believe in, I would appreciate it. I will update everyone as soon as I can. I love you all and am so grateful for your support. Until tomorrow……ok. maybe Thursday.

Take care of yourselves and be nice to each other. This world needs a lot more understanding, kindness, and love. Be a part of that….not the hate.

Previous Older Entries